Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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