Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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