Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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