it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
