woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize