i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
