hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
