she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
