Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
