i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
