if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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