A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize