Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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