Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
