im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
