Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
