ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my shit smells like andre
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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