I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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