I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
