Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How naked do you want me to be?
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