I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
