I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
