First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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