i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
