God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
