our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
