So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
