im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
