Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
