I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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