I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
