So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
