My friends, they love my intelligence
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
