I should be sponsored by Trojan
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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