We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
