yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
