Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
kristin has been a bad kristin
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
