I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
