ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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