That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
