Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
