I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
