Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
