Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
