i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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