Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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