I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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