Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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