Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
