I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize