It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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