i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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