he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
