at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize