I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
