i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
