Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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