Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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