when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
