My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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