Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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