ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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