Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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