i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
