Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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