Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
