Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
