Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
