going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
