my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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