Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
