We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
