Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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