Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
