I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
