you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
