Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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