she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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