You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
