I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
