Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
