I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize