my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You ruined the universe
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
