I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
