Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
