hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize