I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
