At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
