My first STD was from a foam party
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
