no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
