If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
