are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
