My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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