Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
