Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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