Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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