I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You pole danced in your parka.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
