I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
