Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
