i think my tv is drunk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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