you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
