His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
