we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
