I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
