Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
