On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
