If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
