Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
