I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
