im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
