Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
