he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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