I heard we made out
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
