he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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