You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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