Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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