I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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