oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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